Ran Gavrieli writes and lectures about emotional and physical safe sex. In his TEDx Talk, he speaks about why he stopped watching porn. He names two reasons for doing so.
Porn Corrupts Fantasies
Watching mainstream pornography brought anger and violence in his private fantasies that he hadn’t had originally. “This was not me,” he says. This is a widespread phenomenon called “escalation.” He feels that mainstream porn has clouded his true and authentic wants and desires. This is something I can definitely confirm and have experienced myself.
As he further explains, mainstream pornography is not about erotica and healthy sexual communication. The male gaze fuels it and mainly features patriarchal dominance, normalizing humiliation, violence, abuse, and rape. These are all categories that can be found on any major porn sites, as he states.
Instead of hugging, touching, kissing, and tenderly caressing, pornography focuses mainly on penetration. According to Ran, 80-90% of mainstream porn doesn’t involve any hands.
Besides its addictive nature, it also promotes the belief that you are only valued as a man if you have a big and eternally erect penis. This can have a paralyzing effect on boys and men. It’s a trap I fell into myself, as I explained in my TEDx Talk How To Become a Sex God.
Porn Exploits
Ran also stopped watching porn because he didn’t want to take part in the demand for filmed prostitution any longer. That’s what pornography actually means. As he explains, “porne” means prostitute and “graphein” to write in Greek. Pornography, therefore, means “writing about prostitutes.”
He states that mainstream pornography is not an embodiment of freedom of speech or freedom of occupation. It’s an embodiment of sex-exploitation working side by side with human trafficking, pimping, and raping.
Being a porn star is not glamorous. Ran believes that nobody’s childhood dream is to become a prostitute. More often than not, it’s the result of trouble and distress, leading to social death and not fame. Make sure to watch Greg’s interview.
“WHATEVER I AM WATCHING IS CREATING DEMAND,
AND THERE WILL BE SUPPLY.”
Although we might not be aware of it, we support it when we watch mainstream porn. You don’t even have to pay for porn. You are still part of the system even when watching pirated videos on one of the countless tube sites. The French journalist Ovidi explains this in her shocking documentary Pornocracy: The New Sex Multinationals.
Responsibility and Emotional Safe Sex
In conclusion, Ran first and foremost stopped watching porn for his personal well-being by reclaiming his mind’s control and responsibility. From an ethical standpoint, he also helps stop fueling the exploitative nature of the sex industry. I think these are two great reasons to stop watching pornography.
I especially like that he ends on the notion of emotional safe sex and mentions laughter as one of its key elements. “If two souls alone in a room do not manage to have a laugh together, what good could possibly grow there.” You can learn more about Ran Gavrieli on elsebyrangavrieli.com.
Still not quite convinced? Check out 5 Reasons Why You Should Quit Porn Right Now.
Make sure to let me know your thoughts on Ran’s arguments in the comments below.
