It’s much easier to stay on the surface and write about proper nutrition like I did with How To Eat Like A Sex God and different exercises such as Developing Core Strength or Basic PC Muscle Exercises to become a Sex God. But at the end of the day, it’s just the surface and really won’t bring the change that I intended. Don’t get me wrong. These aspects are important because they build the physical context but in order to truly overcome my porn-induced erectile dysfunction I apparently have to address the mind as much as I did the physical realm, if not even more so.
A couple of weeks ago, I stumbled upon a program by Dr. Paul and Eben Pagan called ‘Deep Inner Game’ that is part of Eben’s ‘Double Your Dating’ series and although I am not really interested in doubling my dating at the moment, I thought it was interesting and relevant for the Sex God Project.
Inner Game is a term that has been used to describe mental preparation for athletes and seems to be as important as physical preparation to achieve one’s goals as an athlete. Dr. Paul developed an integrated psychological model that according to him leads to a well balanced male psyche and offers the necessary directions to achieve it. An inner game for the rest of us so to say. His integrated model consist of the following four parts:
- Personal Boundaries
- Decision Making Power
- Mental Energy
- Emotional Energy
For the Sex God Project, emotional energy should be the main focus at the moment since it will make us understand what got us in that position that I am, and so many others are, in in the first place and subsequently make us understand what prevents us from overcoming it.
Dr. Paul even states that understanding his model of emotional energy gives you the necessary knowledge to solve any emotional problem as long as they have a psychological and not a biological cause. Sounds pretty sweet to me and definitely worth the time looking into it.
MASTERING EMOTIONAL ENERGY
There is two kinds of emotional energy. Positive emotional energy called self-esteem and negative emotional energy called stress. Both charges consist of two opposing values along a spectrum. There is two kind of stress that we can experience: anger and anxiety. Every other negative emotional quality lies in-between these two ends of a spectrum with the perfect middle being boredom.
The positive counterpart, self-esteem, consists of well-being on the one end opposing anger and confidence on the other opposing anxiety. In the middle would be bliss, the state of mind that especially eastern philosophy aims to reach through meditation.
According to Dr. Paul their is each one reason that causes either anger or anxiety. The reason we experience anger is hurt and the reason we experience anxiety is loss. Our goal is to transform emotional negative energy into emotional positive energy but before I get to how we can do that I want to dig deeper into the underlaying dynamics for anxiety because anxiety seems to play a pretty important part in porn-induced erectile dysfunction.
If we experience anxiety we have three options to deal with it. There is one passive and two active approaches. The passive approach is becoming impulsive which means acting without thinking first. This is triggered by the parasympathicus also known as the flight or fight reflex. This approach results in addiction. Addiction to food, alcohol or e.g. porn. This is a way to quickly release anxiety through dopamin.
Now there are two active psychological strategies to deal with anxiety. One is constructive and one is destructive. Let’s start with the destructive one because that I could identify in myself as part of the porn-induced erectile dysfunction and that is masochism. As soon as you experience an erectile dysfunction from watching too much porn (that numbs you and sends you in a physical depression as I’ll explain shortly in a couple of paragraphs down the page) the masochistic cycle begins.
Being unable to perform creates anxiety (performance anxiety) that results in beating oneself up over not being able to have an erection which then creates even more anxiety that we now flee further into addiction and more masochism when we again experience a disappointing sexual encounter. It becomes self-fulfilling prophecy. This is a destructive psychological cycle that constantly feeds itself with negative energy and does so for many guys year after year.
There is two aspects we have to take into account if we want to break the self-feeding cycle. The first one is to develop what Dr. Paul calls observing ego that allows us to become aware of our impulsive behavior in realtime and course correct our actions. This means whenever we deal with anxiety through addictive behavior we have to become aware of it, realize that some kind of anxiety is the driving force behind our impulses and then deal with that anxiety actively but not in the form of masochism but constructively.
The only constructive way to deal with anxiety is being courageous. We have to address the source of our anxiety up front whatever that might be and not run away or see ourselves as the victim any longer. This can be really anything. Remember, anxiety comes from loss. Sometimes we have to go way back in our past to uncover sources of loss. If you see yourself in this I would highly recommend professional psychological help for the process of uncovering your sources of loss because sometimes it can be very hard to identify and deal with it. By being courageous and get ourselves into situations where our anxiety occurs and slowly create positive experiences we’ll fill up our tank of confidence. Just like a masochistic cycle, we then create a healthy confidence cycle.
Just to complete the picture, the passive way of dealing with anger is depression. The active destructive way is sadism or aggression and the constructive active way assertiveness which will play a role for the Sex God Project as well. But more in a minute.
Interestingly enough, also thanks to Dr. Paul, I stumbled upon the Jungian depth psychological concept of ‘King Warrior Magician Lover’ that perfectly ties into the model of Dr. Paul and on a archetypal level not only allowing me to locate myself psychologically but also tells me exactly what to do to become a Sex God.
ABOUT WARRIORS AND LOVERS
In Jungian depth psychology, the psyche consists of four different archetypes. The King, the Warrior, the Magician and the Lover. There are different qualities to each archetype that are extensively described in the book ‘King Warrior Magician Lover’ by Robert Moore and Douglas Gilette. Everyone usually has a dominant archetypal energy. And as you might have guessed it, a well balanced psyche (which I consider necessary for a Sex God) is a perfect balance of all four archetypes.
As described in my last post Slaying the Dragon to Find the Elixir of Life my dominant archetype is the Warrior archetype. Now let me explain how you locate yourself within one of the archetypes. As described at the very beginning there is four parts to Dr. Paul’s psychological model that of course mirror the four archetypes again. Emotional energy (that would be the Lover archetype) is only one part. In order to locate oneself as a dominant archetype, we also have to include the mental spectrum (the Magician archetype) that consist of intuition on the one end and intellect on the other. Intuition is defined as knowledge gained through experience and intellect is defined as knowledge gained through cognitive processes such as thinking, reading, discussing, …
If we overlap the emotional dimension with the mental dimension we become a cross hair with four quadrants. Each quadrant represents one archetype of the Jungian psyche. So if you are top-heavy on well-being and intellect, your dominant archetype is the King. Courage and intuition the Magician and intuition and well-being the Lover. As pointed out, the Warrior qualities dominate my psyche at the moment. It is defined by courage and intellect. I think this blog expresses this pretty well by publicly talking about my erectile dysfunction (be courageous) and by the way I approach it, very intellectually as even this post expresses perfectly.
In order to become well balanced, we have to foster the qualities of our opposing archetype which for me is the Lover. I thought that’s very interesting especially in the context of the Sex God Project. It all starts to make sense now.
To close the cycle, I want to quickly introduce you to the shadow aspects of every psyche. Every archetype has a bipolar shadow quality that rules when the archetype is not developed in it’s fullest.
The shadow archetype is the destructive manifestation of the archetype’s energy. I am especially interested in the shadow archetypes of the Warrior and the Lover since they are the two archetypes I deal with at the moment and which you’ll see in a minute will close the cycle to Dr. Paul’s model.
The shadow archetypes of the Lover are the Addicted Lover and the Impotent Lover. Now isn’t that interesting. It’s exactly the two main problems that stood at the beginning of the Sex God Project: Addiction and Impotence.
The Addicted Lover and the Impotent Lover are the two poles of the shadow archetype with addiction being the positive charged one and impotence being the negative charged one. If we look at it on a straight line, they are on opposite sides. That’s a one dimensional way of looking at it. What if we add a dimension and make it a circle. All of a sudden, they are not that far apart anymore and that’s obviously what happens with porn-induced erectile dysfunction. Through addictive behavior you create an overstimulation that eventually let’s you go numb rendering you impotent. There you go, it’s all there beautifully rendered in the mythological archetypes.
Interestingly, impotence can also be described as depression. This means that the positive and the negative charged shadow archetype are both the passive ways of dealing with anger and anxiety.
So what I started to understand is that the last couple of years I was governed obviously by the shadow Lover that I compensated with the Warrior energy. But the Warrior energy has shadow qualities of it’s own and these are the sadistic Warrior punishing others for the hurt he experienced and the masochistic Warrior punishing himself as described above in the masochistic cycle. Again, it’s both the active destructive ways of dealing with anger and anxiety.
Now let’s put all that knowledge into action to overcome porn-induced erectile dysfunction and move along on becoming a Sex God.
PUTTING THE KNOWLEDGE INTO ACTION
Understanding all of the above helped me to do a self-localization to visually understand where I am standing right now psychologically speaking. It also helped me to determine where I want/have to go to overcome my erectile dysfunction by overcoming the anxiety ridden masochistic cycle in specific and becoming a well-balanced personality in generally to ultimately become a Sex God. Knowing this two points, the starting point and the end point renders the direction that I need to head. So in order to reach that goal I need to focus more on the qualities of quadrant (C ) so that it’ll pull me from my current position (A) to my intended position (B).
I can do this by focusing more on qualities of the Lover archetype which are fostering my well-being by being more assertive as well as getting out of my head and filling up on more real life experiences which result in intuitive knowledge.
Additionally I’ll work on overcoming my shadow aspects both as a Warrior and a Lover. I’ll cut off my impulsive behavior through further developing my observing ego and consciously steering my behavior towards courageousness by addressing and facing my deeply rooted fears which will comfortably also be the solution for overcoming my Warrior shadow of the self-feeding masochistic cycle. This will result in filling up on (sexual) confidence over time combined with fostering my well-being leading to mastering emotional energy and centering myself in the middle also known as bliss.
Sounds like a sweet sweet plan to me but I have a feeling that there will be some resistance along the way which will get stronger the deeper I get into the Inner Cave but defeating the dragon will result in conquering my Lover archetype which will propel me into new heights on my goal to become a Sex God.
So. Let’s do this!
In the next couple of weeks I’ll try different techniques and exercises to get myself on the road to overcome my shadow aspects and move towards the center of an integrated psyche. I will also look into another very important aspect of becoming a well-rounded and integrated personality that I neglected in this post but is as important as mastering emotional energy: Perceiving and strengthening personal boundaries. This ties in with creating well-being by being assertive that I just mentioned briefly but this will be a blog post of its own.
If you are interest in indulging yourself more into Dr. Paul’s psychological model that he calls MindOS you can find additional material and products on his website www.menspsychology.com.