„What the heck is Nevrland?“ you might think now. As some of you already now, I am a screenwriter and director. Up until now, I have written and directed two short films called The Boy Next Door and Homophobia, which have combined more than 15 million views on YouTube.
Nevrland is going to be my first feature film and it’s my most personal film yet. Why am I writing about this on this blog? Well, the Sex God Project is deeply interwoven with the story of Nevrland, which I have developed and written over the course of the last two years. But let me back up a moment.
Genesis of a Sex God
At the beginning of 2013, I started my Sex God Project, which for me was a space to express my experiences and research considering my porn-induced erectile dysfunction (PIED). At the beginning stood a new perspective on pornography and what porn can actually do to the brain as described in Porn is the Enemy of Great Sex.
In the last three years, I had the chance to layer by layer uncover the origin of my PIED. The regular consumption of high-speed internet pornography was certainly the cause for my condition but slowly I started to grasp that the regular consumption of pornography was yet only another symptom of a much deeper problem.
In the end, the Sex God Project has become not only a journey of sexual but more importantly of emotion healing.
From the beginning on, I already sensed that the Sex God Project contains strong emotional and possibly even, let’s call it, transpersonal aspects. I simply couldn’t wrap my head around it at that time so I started with the easiest and most obvious plane, the physical one. I already talked about this limited perspective in my TEDx Talk „How to Become a Sex God“.
It was not before I read the eye-opening book Chasing the Scream by Johann Hari that I started to understand that underneath every addiction lies an emotional wound that first and foremost wants to be soothed but ultimately needs to be healed.
In my case, my wound is called complex post-traumatic stress disorder or simply CPTSD and manifests itself in a feeling of being overwhelmed and left alone which usually climaxes in an anxiety or panic attack. In contrast to a (simple) post-traumatic stress disorder, which’s main feature is visual or auditive flashbacks from a specific traumatic experience, a CPTSD results in a more ambiguous emotional flashback.
My past trauma stems from the fact that my mother basically abandonment me over night when I was one and a half years old, which now results in severe fear of loss and guilt.
In general, CPTSD appears to be much more common than thought since it’s a developmental trauma that happens especially in the first years and is being caused by e.g. (emotional) neglect, abuse or abandonment. If you want to know more, there is a good book by Pete Walker called Complex PTSD.
No Connection Found
The mind’s defense strategy to protect the consciousness from the effects of past trauma is to disconnect. In severe cases this can even mean disconnecting from immediate internal and external experiences. More commonly though, the mind disconnects from the body in order to not be overwhelmed by intense physical sensations or emotional feelings.
At one point, I started to see that the perfect manifestation for the disconnection of body and mind is to reduce sexuality, which is first and foremost an intense physical experience, simply to the consumption of pornography.
Pornography reduces sexuality to an idea (a quality of the mind) that is being displayed on a screen or on paper and is being experienced solely mentally. Although we jerk-off when we watch porn, we usually don’t focus on the bodily sensations but rather on the content that is being displayed on the screen.
It becomes a safe way to experience sexuality without being washed away by bodily sensations and/or emotional feelings. The price we pay though is to be disconnected. We rob ourselves of the dimension of meaning, which for me is a relational dimension.
The Road to Nevrland
The solution to the problem than becomes to heal the past trauma to reconnect with one’s own body and become whole/holy again. Nevrland tells exactly this journey cinematically, making this depth-psychological process visible.
It’s the story of 17-year old Jakob who wants nothing more than to feel alive. Uncontrollable anxiety attacks prevent him from doing so and force him into fictional and virtual worlds. One night, he by chance meets 26-year old seemingly perfect Christian in a sex-cam-chat, which marks the beginning of a transpersonal journey to the wounds of their soul.
Nevrland explores the themes of trauma, disconnection, anxiety and depression and their antidote vulnerability and compassion from a postmodern perspective.
It explores sexuality, as the expression of the life force itself, and anxiety in the digital age dealing with the transfer of sexuality to porn, the digitalization of the body through cam chats as well as the themes of longing, fantasy and projection.
Come with Me to Nevrland!
Two weeks ago, we have launched a first crowdfunding campaign with which we want to raise 15k Euros to finance project development for Nevrland.
We have already raised almost 10k. If you are interested in the story and/or want to support me to bring the story to the big screen, please consider supporting Nevrland on Kickstarter. In return, I’ll take you with me to Nevrland.
If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to ask them in the comment section below or send me an e-mail via the contact form.