In 2013, I started the Sex God Project as a personal blog documenting my journey to battle porn-induced sexual dysfunction and becoming a Sex God. In my TEDx Talk, I spoke about why I didn’t succeed at first and how redefining what a Sex God is sent me on a decade long journey of psychosexual healing.
Internet Porn is the Enemy of Great Sex
Imagine being a mid-20s guy suffering from erectile dysfunction and inhibited orgasm. Sounds like a nightmare, right? Well, that was a reality for me. I always thought that’s something only older men have to deal with. To figure out what was going on, I saw an urologist. Unfortunately, he couldn’t identify a physical cause. So, he diagnosed me with performance anxiety and prescribed me a pack of the erection-enhancing pill Cialis. The drugs resulted in a reliable and strong erection, but I still couldn’t orgasm with a real-life partner. What’s more, I experienced some uncomfortable side effects, mainly headaches. This was definitely not a permanent solution to my problem.
The more I looked into the problem, the more confused I got because everything worked fine when masturbating to internet porn. I did some further research and stumbled upon Gary Wilson’s website youbrainonporn.com. This is where I first heard about porn-induced sexual dysfunction, and I felt understood for the first time. In a nutshell, Gary argues that chronic overstimulation through regular porn consumption can desensitize your brain. This can mean shorter and weaker arousal, resulting in erectile dysfunction and inhibited orgasm. Bingo!
“A 15-year-old today can have more virtual sex partners in one sitting than one of his ancestors in a lifetime. “
Growing up as a gay boy in a small catholic village in Austria limited my possibilities of exploring my sexuality. When I hit puberty, the internet became mainstream, and I found a way to safely and abundantly explore my sexuality. Ten years later, I have fed my brain with thousands of hours of hardcore porn, not only shaping my expectation of sex and thus setting me up to be disappointed time after time but also desensitizing my brain in the process. Here I was in my mid-20s, not being able to have an intimate and satisfying sexual experience with a real-life partner.
I guess you can imagine how I felt after getting to know that all of this is reversible by a process called rebooting. It’s an expression coined by the Nofap community and means abstaining from porn for a certain amount of time to reset your brain. All it took was quitting porn for 120 days to have the sex life I always wanted? Hallelujah! Boy, was I ready to reclaim my sexuality. Not only that but I was determined to make up for all the lost years. I wanted to become a Sex God.
A New Vision of Sex
I came up with a definition of what a Sex God is. The list contained characteristics such as strength, stamina, strong libido, and multiple orgasms. I stopped watching porn and went to the gym to get that Sex God body. I got my testosterone levels checked and supplemented accordingly. Heck, I even did Kegel exercises daily to get that hard rock erection I was convinced I needed. At the end of the 120 days, I was ready to finally have the sex life I always dreamed about. And although I noticed some improvements, I was severely disappointed. What happened?
The Greek philosopher Plato and his allegory of the cave helped me to understand that my definition of great sex was based on what I have seen in porn. The problem, though, is that mainstream internet porn is far from depicting authentic human sexuality. Besides desensitizing my brain and thus affecting my ability to stay aroused, the biggest issue was that porn conditioned me to be a voyeur watching other people having a scripted and exaggerated version of human sexuality. Vision is the dominant sense, whereas real-life sex is spontaneous, playful, and immersive, with touch being the most important sense. Driven by toxic shame, I chased after an illusion that set me up for disappointment.
Once I understood what was going on, I changed my performance-oriented approach and focused on psychosexual healing instead. Along with it, I changed my vision of what a Sex God is. Instead of an eternally erect Greek statue that can go for hours, I define a Sex God as someone who intentionally, mindfully, and responsibly creates a multisensory and meaningful sexual experience.
A new vision of sexuality emerged that is more than just a way to scratch a biological itch, a quick fix to feel better, or a sleep aid. I began to see sex as an art form that allows me to express my most authentic self. An approach to vulnerability enabling me to truly connect with another human being. A goal-free and playful way to communicate on a nonverbal level. Maybe even a gateway to transpersonal experiences.
Psychosexual Healing and Growth
Since then, I have explored the phenomenon from different perspectives. By co-founding the Porn Film Festival Vienna, I tried to transfer an activity that is shame bound and usually takes place in isolation into a public space to discuss it collectively through an artistic lens. I even explored the difference between hardcore pornography and authentic intimacy in my first feature film Nevrland.
After years of trial and error, I have progressed far enough in my psychosexual healing that I feel confident to share my knowledge and experiences with you. This is why I have rebooted the Sex God Project as a psychosexual health resource for men focusing on sexual and emotional healing and growth.
Evolutionary speaking, we are hypersexual apes. Sexuality and sexual expression is a vital aspect of physical and emotional health and at the core of what it means to be human. I believe that sex is not something you just either know how to do or not. I am convinced that it’s a skill that needs to be nurtured and developed just like any other skill to create a rich and meaningful (sex) life for yourself.
Want to get started in your journey? Awesome! I strongly believe that quitting porn is an essential step to boost your sex life and kickstart your sexual development. That’s why I encourage you to check out 5 Reasons Why You Should Quit Porn Right Now as well as The Ultimate Guide on How to Stop Watching Porn.
Any of this sound familiar? Let me know your thoughts in the comment section below.