It‘s been almost two months since I started the Sex God Project, this means I am still at an early stage but there are already some things I learned a long the way that I want to share with you.
First of all, I want to thank this amazing community that has been gathering around the Sex God Project so far. A couple of people asked me via Facebook, e-mail or Lift whether I am okay and when I‘ll release my next blog post. You might have wondered yourself already why I haven‘t published a blog post in almost two weeks. This is because I have been on the road for two weeks and although I thought I would I just didn‘t find the time to write them.
This means I will think about how I can guarantee to post one blog post every week even when I am on the road, which will be quite some time in the first half of 2013. Additionally, I will write occasional recaps like this one to share with you my past experiences and I want to introduce a new category called interviews where I want to interview and talk to external people on the topic of becoming a Sex God while I still figure out how to best make use of the social media channels. This project will be in an ongoing development process.
I also made some observations about myself concerning The Great 120 Days Without Porn Challenge. Being impatient, I started to test if something had changed concerning the sensation in my penis a couple of weeks back. After I noticed that arousal came back after a flatline period, I tried to jerk off. The plan was to just edge it and stop before orgasm but well, good luck trying that when you are close.
Since I didn‘t want to jerk off like I did before, in order to help my brain to rewire, I jerked off differently. A different position. A different grip and a different speed. I even tried it with my left hand once. Luckily, something changed in my brain already and I haven‘t had a hard time to get off which wouldn‘t have been possible before the project where I needed my position, my grip and my speed like the 10 years before. So I am on a good way as it seems.
What I learned was that rewiring is not only to stop watching porn but also to slowly change your masturbation and sexual habits as well and it won‘t happen neither by itself nor over night. Who would have that seen that coming? This will be a process and I don‘t know how long it will take. But I‘ll find out and will look into these topics more thoroughly later this year since it will be the sexual foundation for becoming a Sex God.
What I am not proud of is that I relapsed for the first time in over 80 days last weekend. It happened in Brussels. It was a long day, I was exhausted and had nothing to do in my hotel room as some porn images popped up on my Tumblr stream. I just browsed them but one thing lead to another and I jerked off to a couple of porn videos. I didn‘t particularly feel very good afterwards and I noticed that it was a different sexual quality than when I focused on my body sensations before.
But, nobody is a master from the beginning on and I always remember the scene in the old Spiderman movie where Tobey Maguiere discovers his powers and can‘t control them at the beginning. When you hit the ground, better than beating yourself up over it is to get up, dust yourself of and keep going. That‘s the only road to mastery. Everything else wouldbe utopian I guess.
What I learned is that it seems to be easy in my everyday surrounding where everything is under control but as soon as I experience a different surrounding it gets harder. So what I now need to do is further increase the strength of my willpower and come up with a protocol that I can execute when my willpower (energy level) is low.I obviously didn‘t get ride of all porn sources or otherwise there wouldn‘t have been any porn images and videos on my Tumblr stream. So to make it not harder as it already is, I need to further prune my online destinations from any kind of pornographic materials. It’s really easier said than done.
I am highly motivated because I have seen minor improvements and I won‘t beat myself up over a slip up because slip ups are part of the process.
Finally, I want to share with you a film that I saw at the Berlin Film Festival. It was written and directed by actor Joseph Gordon-Levitt and guess what, it‘s a film about porn addiction and how it changes the way we perceive actual sex. The movie is called Don Jon‘s Addiction and definitely worth seeing it. Go check it out if you have a chance to but there is no release date yet.
How was your experience so far? Did you experience any slip ups or relapses and how did you handle them?